so much written about babaji and generally i think a lot of indians are getting to know about the legend of mahavar so now i will let you uh answer that question i would love to know it from your eyes and mind so yes yes yes see you we have many mentors you know the way now suppose we are doing this shoot and we are covering some you know topic spiritual topic so this is you this is one aspect of your personality or your work that i want to do this work you know i want people to know about what's happening all over the world in india maybe and then since this is a professional aspect you're enjoying doing it so you need someone who knows about this subject someone who has done this earlier or someone who is expert in this without that person is difficult to do you can still experiment you can still you know practically you know do your activities and all that but when you have someone who knows about this subject in and out that gives you boost that


this subject in and out that gives you boost that gives you better you know position and then you start growing so this person can be called as a mentor or a teacher also so sant kabir or santinyan ganeshwar these are sad gurus when you talk about sai baba or even there are many in no brahma krishna paramhans so these are satgurus and the moksha guru or param guru is like mahathir babaji or his guru agusta muni so they are there to give you moksha and mukti so you don't need to follow them all the time go pray ask and then they'll just give it that's how simple it is so you may have many masters not an issue with that don't get confused with it gurus but satguru is always one param guru is one for this entire planet itself at any period of time that there is one or two maximum a god you can call it as god that's what i just told you know god don't identify as


i just told you know god don't identify as someone as one single person it's a consciousness it's a consciousness so you can see babaji as god he doesn't see himself as a god he sees himself as servant savak and he enjoys being that have you experienced enlightenment how do you define tell me enlightenment was there a day where you just had a very profound experience in terms of and again my reference over enlightenment is coming from videos i've seen online from people who other people consider their masters yes that's my only reference and what i've read about in life exactly exactly so what i understand about it is either you meditate up to a point or you allow yourself to flow into bhakti as in just belief up to a point where um you feel like that divine consciousness or the liquid or gas that we spoke at which is everywhere it flows through you completely yes yes and your boundaries disappear in terms of you you truly realize that you and your friend


you you truly realize that you and your friend you and the trees you and the mountains are all one yes uh entity yes so have you had a moment in your life where you felt like yes yes so again enlightenment this word if you can you know take this word you said you read somewhere or you saw some videos on the topic enlightenment so this state itself is very confusing for people so just one second before i let you continue i just want to bring in what a neuroscientist friend of mine doctor said wario said on this show yes we spoke about the concept of enlightenment and he said that the possible biology behind it and he's also someone who studied the bhagavad-gita yes yes so there's a part of your brain which is responsible for all your sense pleasures which is your limbic system that's the part of your brain then there's a part of your brain which has the ability after years of say meditation or evolution theoretically to possibly detach itself from your limbic


theoretically to possibly detach itself from your limbic system that part is called a prefrontal cortex so according to him and according to us on that episode we said that maybe the point of enlightenment is where your prefrontal cortex entirely detaches itself from all its sense pleasures of the limbic system of dopamine so that's the neuroscience that i have understood that you go beyond what your body craves in terms of uh i want sex i want food i want um money you know things like that anything that you lust over you leave your sort of limbic system and the dopamine systems behind and you entirely kind of immerse yourself into her higher pleasures which can be felt by the prefrontal cortex okay also because the prefrontal cortex is um sort of at the front part of your brain theoretically according to neuroscience it's a part of your brain that can constantly grow so what i imagine enlightenment to be is the point where the prefrontal cortex breaks away from


point where the prefrontal cortex breaks away from the limbic system and then enters a new stage of growth sort of so anyway that's the neuroscience that i have understood now i will let you continue yeah so uh first i'll see i'll tell you how this state is enlightenment state wise sure so uh people have heard read about it enlightenment topic then there are scriptures or books big books on enlightenment topic but none of them have experienced it it's always about others so read or told by someone so as a naive you know a beginner for spiritual people when they refer to something like this then they say oh that i need to be there i need to experience what has been written in that book but the fact is that person also hasn't experienced it he doesn't know what this enlightenment is about so people get confused then i need to see that you know divine consciousness expanding somewhere everywhere i become you and i'm everywhere you know that with people define it and then


everywhere you know that with people define it and then they say i'm not experiencing it i'm not enlightened i'm not enlightened i need to be there i need to be there the thing is enlightenment is beyond your eye as far as this eye is craving to experience enlightenment you are far far away from enlightenment state so for me it just happened that moment it just happened here the sentence you just said the moment you start craving it and that eye is far from enlightenment exactly yeah i'm assuming that your limbic system is also responsible for your sense of ego yes and you're constantly feeding into your ego and you say i want that in life yes okay yeah so see limbic system is connected to your pineal gland and pineal gland is something which is you know yours would say supreme you know state your third eye third eye third eye wherein that gets awakened that and that regulates everything in your body so all your experiences around your third eye pineal gland


all your experiences around your third eye pineal gland and then occipital lobe and then parietal lobe that's how i would look at it and then you are there but you are not there so this enlightened experience is also biological experience physical experience so it's not mental imagination you know that this is what has happened with me why are there not enough peer-reviewed studies about this topic you know like we've heard words like third eye penile gland before from so many people and um even when we have spiritual conversation like these words come out i mean these topics come up um is it because science is yet to catch up with um ancient philosophy like this like what is the reason that there aren't scientific studies about awakening your opinion yes yes uh so it's not ancient this is fact even now so let us not go back this is happening today so let us explore but people have their you know prefixed notions and this is i can't see those you know energies or vibrations


can't see those you know energies or vibrations so it's better to avoid it but the good part is that people have started exploring this they have started doing some research it's a good sign in fact that way do you think people will discover it in the years yes it's definitely confidently people discover the importance of people exactly exactly yes but the thing is you know as you said in a research doing stuff on this so we ourselves we have done this we do a process called shakti brava and we are talking about transformation which is not enlightenment but transformation and we see this this is beyond enlightenment so lord buddha was transformed he wasn't an enlightened being so we are talking about transformation so lor was enlightened so even king ravana was also enlightened but lord rama was enlightened and transformed king ravana he was just only enlightened what's the difference difference is the enlightened person see what happens the state wise you are disconnected from everything what's


the state wise you are disconnected from everything what's happening around you you become witness you observe and the mind is just playing as a third you know as a third person you look at it and this mind is not under your control it is just playing everything whatever is happening and you actually see that it's a physical experience it is not a mental imagination it's a physical experience that you are there everything is connected with you you are part of this whole and you are just there and then there is this blissful love you know connection with everyone very peaceful so there is no craving and running behind something to achieve limbic system is detached yeah that's how there is a detachment so we'll still work on that what we have seen is precunious part which is a little deep in that which gets activated amygdala also get activated in limbic system so there is still further research required how to look and do it but i would still say that this this experience in reality is this that you are


this this experience in reality is this that you are there you observe everything i i feel so science always begins theoretically first and you're pitching you're pitching the theory of what could possibly be future scientific studies um i'd also like to ask you in this state what and and because you're an mbbs doctor yourself um what specifically happens with inside the penile land when all this is going on and what is the penile land like first explain as a doctor and then explain uh spiritually so like in this state what is the science of the females see it is seen as vestigial log and pineal glands there is science still even haven't explored everything about pineal gland apart from secreting melatonin that's the only thing they know but pineal gland has you know more uh you know spiritual significance for your soul so soul this is how we look at it soul is in your heart spiritually it can evolve and function through your pineal gland and that's where the place of


your pineal gland and that's where the place of shiva pineal gland is shiva itself so you reach there and through pineal gland you govern everything so scientifically sometimes it's difficult to measure how pineal gland is expressing itself how it's curve you know controlling everything but its effect will be seen as you said limbic system or pre uh frontal cortex or parietal lobe occipital lobe you will be seeing the effect of that but when you become that acting through pineal gland then you are disconnected from this worldly reality but you are there but you are not there that's how it is you know even you know the main men when talking interacting people are listening to it paying attention to it but here they are not there but they're still there sitting at home so the state is something that through pineal gland attacks and then entire body is under control and regulation mind everything whatever is going to happen you'll see a direction through it but transformation is about entire brain it


through it but transformation is about entire brain it functions at different level so mind you ex express through your brain so mind is there it's one buddhi but this is these all aspects you utilize your human part human brain to express itself and when that gets transformed then you become ideal human being or one can call it as divine being also there is a purpose behind it if you see last 20 years things have changed a lot last two years the last two years in that way mainly a kovid thing you know pandemic look it's like divinity gave you opportunity to learn out of it if you don't learn then you'll have to face some more you know severe consequences afterwards do you think mankind has learned because of covert i don't see everyone most of them if you see see you don't need to ask me also just see what's happening see any news channel or read you know current affairs everything you can see what's what's happening is the same thing as it was


what's happening is the same thing as it was earlier if it is so then you know some more things will come so i don't want to talk about it but the thing is you need to mentally prepare for any such situations after having that lesson of what we learned throughout pandemics some people felt you know sit alone but then you need to connect with someone you can't be you know inside a room for many many days or weeks or months then you want to connect with people all the time then i then you started valuing people then love was there caring was there this was such a positive sign to notice but the moment people were out they came back to their own evil form and then said oh this is mine this is mine i want this i want that so nothing doing so i am the boss i am the power i'll do this so that's what you see happening over there russia ukraine and uh i don't see any positive positive things as of now settlement wise which brings me


things as of now settlement wise which brings me to the moment i met you last year and i was fully like broken like i was like powder inside you know it was also an outcome of being at home throughout the lockdown for so long um just being in a loop of creating so much content so people don't understand about this job i'm called a content creator it's a new a job you know you're creating videos and podcasts and photos and write-ups for a living but that constant creativity can sort of drive you crazy also because you're constantly challenging that creative part of your head so if you've not got a break in a long time that creative part of your head starts acting against you yes and i met you in his face like that where i was just physically mentally creatively emotionally tired and uh the only thing while we i think we spoke for maybe 15-20 minutes you answered a lot of my questions uh but this was what you highlighted that change your life's statement from um whatever


highlighted that change your life's statement from um whatever it is right now to just you want to help people exactly and that's actually what it's become like over time at least it's becoming that even more every day exactly and maybe even this podcast is a reminder for that that stop chasing the next stage of wealth exactly exactly uh i don't raise wealth to you know buy cars or clothes i'd raise it to be able to help the 200 people with me and my country and hopefully the world one day exactly uh but at its core i i need to fundamentally switch that from chasing wealth to helping people i think the wealth and all that will follow exactly do you have any negative feedback for me you know i would say just do what you're doing but in between you need to take time for yourself so you can't you know drive your car 24 hours 365 days you need to give break to it stop somewhere again restart so because you're going to give energy you know to people for that


going to give energy you know to people for that you need to accumulate you need to you know develop cultivate that energy positive energy within you so when you do that then you're ready for the next so that specific direction as you said now that uh statement for your work wise that i'm going to spread love i'm going to spread positivity anything that comes in between i need to change i just need to change that aspect so yeah apartment enjoys the aggression of going at it you know i enjoy aggressively this is trying to help my people and everything exactly so aggression should be inside not through words so when you express aggression through words then it might actually affect you know relationship or spoil things aggression should work with you as force internal force let's do it just be there i am ready everyone are you ready the baby i just i came i said i'm ready you tell me what to do whenever you tell me i'm ready so the same way then you i'm ready one thing that makes me question


then you i'm ready one thing that makes me question you know my own reality is i am controlled a little bit by results and numbers and that might be the engineer inside me speaking that might be the capitalist inside this case because numbers are a gauge of your performance yes yes the thing is i am my careers on social media and um there's a constant feedback of likes comments engagement subscribers there's so many numbers fed into you it's why most people leave this career because it gets maddening yes at this stage i've seen so many ups and downs that i know every down will be followed by an up and every up is not permanent exactly you're right but i it still affects me even when we hit the downs even now six years and six and a half years in if i see slight drop in numbers slide drop like one photo we've put up that's not done well somewhere it really makes me open up my own aggression that no how can i like maybe it's my ego i


no how can i like maybe it's my ego i don't know what gets it and i don't take it out on the team but i do kind of put them together and say okay how do we get out of how we go to the next level and maybe that's a pattern that's helped me grow till this point that's all i know excel exactly but how do i stop getting affected by it yeah so the thing is the first step that you should do now don't stop yourself from getting affected don't stop let it be there feel that hurt feel that rejection don't struggle with it don't try to change that moment you try to change then you will struggle and then suffer so let it be as it is because this is very very normal very very natural please don't do anything to change that state of yours internally so if it is happening what you have to look into it that after every rejection or dislike i am improving that means this is helping me to grow now focus


that means this is helping me to grow now focus on this so nothing wrong by being affected very natural what i am doing afterwards is that learning lesson out of it improving and then growing how do you freeze over analysis especially if i'm like i'm an entrepreneur my job is to analyze work wise you can do it self-analysis thought wise you may get into that guilt mode then you know you know that you may start blaming yourself or maybe blame others that correction mental correction is all the time required for the people specifically those who actually playing this role of guiding masses becoming kind of leaders you know future leaders they need to all the time assess their own internal state highly required if you don't do that it's like cleansing required for you then somewhere then down the line you may stop so this content which is coming to you it's not you are doing something nature is giving to you because you're ready you're ready now internally you're ready so the more you move forward you need


you're ready so the more you move forward you need to keep yourself like that anything which is helping you meditation helping you just follow that that's not the final thing but it is helping you yeah that's how you should look at it yes and throughout the day my divine is with me divinity is with me if anything wrong is there please correct me i will improve so i want to grow i want to improve so numbers are just up and here and there but after 10 years 15 years 20 years then people will be there all the time they'll say oh wow what work he has done after so many years when jesus christ was there they had he had hardly 13 14 15 people now the entire world is following him so if he goes by number and at that time then he will stop functioning you know i have just i've just thought about my work i've put work at the forefront and nothing else um and i know i'll be like the world's best husband or whatever but no one


the world's best husband or whatever but no one like no one's come my way like uh so should i just continue along that same trajectory of working yeah yeah yeah see work is very important for you what you are doing because it's for people for an audience or masses so that should never stop so it's going to continue and just keep doing what you're doing but personally i see more than cerebral you are more a heart person you know emotions are in fact more powerful than your intellectual uh state just because of your work you don't get time to assess your internal emotional state that's the only difference when you get into it then it's going to be a little painful because then you have seen oh wow this is so badly affecting it so but when you said that feeling lonely sometimes i would say it's not being lonely sometimes because it's a specific requirement and that's not there that doesn't mean you're lonely there are people with you there are good friends with you you know parents


you there are good friends with you you know parents or you know people like me all of them are there with you in your bedroom also all of them are there together yeah divine is there with you only thing one thing is missing that doesn't say or doesn't justify this statement of yours that i am lonely fair then you start judging in a negative manner and that causes depression afterwards then you start seeking some material kind of a boost oh i think this might help me to numb that sensation that i'll be out of it it will come back to you but if you accept it no wholeheartedly i need someone like this and i don't have that person in my life today and i know this and i want that person just know this fact and i'm stuck in this feeling it's all right and then you're out of it don't struggle that's the only thing i won't struggle i'm a little tired of being so aggressive like that's that's the only thing like i don't know


that's that's the only thing like i don't know what to do with all those emotions so it turns into aggression yes yes you know and regression towards myself not my people yes yes but this is also not right yeah talking to you uh something's definitely shifted inside me i can feel it it's also honestly i mean i'm not trying to offend you here but it's a little heavy like talking to you some some angles of the things you've spoken about maybe it's because we spoke so much about me and my own emotions i don't know what it is but um sometimes in podcast i just know when to stop an episode and somehow i'm feeling that we should like stop talking right now there are more questions i have of course there are more pieces of content i want to put out but i just feel for this conversation it's time to call it yes a day so uh so just any signing of notes from you for the audience yes but also for me i would love to


audience yes but also for me i would love to know both yes yes uh see i would say that people should get ready for transformation it's the time now and for that what you have to do is to say yes for transformation first know what's happening within you that this is my current state i want to be out of this state so i'm ready for transformation which is going to be there everywhere you know around the globe i want to be part of it so saying yes to the universe that i want to experience transformation the second is to accept whatever is happening that whatever is happening within me i am aware my mental condition emotional state i'm just accepting it and third is inviting divine in your life of in any form invite divine and then witness the shift witness the magic just flow grow and spread love for everyone to everyone okay thank you so much no thank you just very grateful to you for this conversation thank you thank you so that was the episode if you've been


thank you so that was the episode if you've been listening until this point i'm sure you were gripped i'm sure you felt that it was heavy um of course spiritual episodes are not everyone's cup of tea but for those souls that look for these kind of spiritual conversations uh this was a great intro episode with dadashiji what i can definitely say is that after the podcast once the cameras and mics were switched off the conversations got even more intense and even heavier things that can never be released on the internet i just hope that she returns for another episode of trs so that we can give you some of this fantastic positive energy remember follow trs on spotify every episode is available on spotify 48 hours before it's available anywhere else in the world so keep returning because the addition of value has just begun [Music]


i've spoken to my grandparents who are both in their 60s beautiful relationship they travel around the world deeply in love sexually active which was interesting to me it is like a mixture of compromise and independence like i will be independent but i will also let you be independent and we will be together so it's so i don't think there is a one-line answer to how to be successful in a relationship but it's beautiful to talk to somebody who's made it i have read so many accounts who've been sleeping around basically and then they've entered into a long-term relationship and they've said that the sex is so much better when it is with somebody i i know and who knows what i like breakups can sometimes really hurt because once your brain has done that right once your brain has convinced itself that this person is a part of you it's like your arm and when you break off your arm it's going to hurt similarly love can make you feel that this whole other person is now attached


you feel that this whole other person is now attached to you this is also why you feel possessive if somebody else is flirting with her asking her out what the hell all right another episode with a trs all-star it's dr sid warrior who returns today to speak about love sex and everything in between from an evolutionary psychology perspective as well one of the juiciest episodes one of the thickest episodes if you've not watched our previous episodes with dr said warrior please go check them out it's a great way to kind of get into the subject of neuroscience but if this is the first dr sid warrior podcast that you're checking out on the runway show and if you're interested in these subjects this is the one for you make sure to follow trs on spotify with spotify exclusive which means that every episode is available on spotify 48 hours before it's available anywhere else in the world as for this one i know it's going to be one of those episodes that will stay with you for a very


those episodes that will stay with you for a very long time so enjoy yourself with dr sid warrior on the runway show [Music] sid warrior i meet so many people who reference the episodes we have created especially on the english podcast we just had a hindi podcast recording which was very interesting uh but i think english honestly with two urban indian guys and things flow out much better yeah there's less translating happening in this game uh and i think conversations can go even deeper uh so many famous people also have referenced the podcast we did uh about neuroscience we did three epic episodes one about how to hack your mind one about the dark aspects of your mind and the third one about drug use in general and things like datura and ayahuasca we had to do one on love and sex the last time as well right uh but we were too tired by the end of those four yeah this is that episode doctor said that's what happens with sex how's it going how


what happens with sex how's it going how are you feeling pretty good man pretty good i honestly don't know where to start this particular topic so let's start it in like a very what's the foreplay like i would actually go as far as saying why don't you describe from a neuroscience perspective what happens during sex when you're at your peak when you're orgasming what happens start from there and we'll work our way back yeah for sure we will then move to love you know to keep it but let's see no i like that approach um so the point of orgasm is what people always think of as a conclusion right sex orgasm although that's not true the all the things that start during sex continue so there is a tapering off period so there is a post orgasmic phase which is also part of sex maybe tomorrow neuro chemistry oh i forgot that we are in the english podcast now all good but uh there is a post orgasmic phase where your oxytocin levels are


post orgasmic phase where your oxytocin levels are still high your vasopressin levels are still high your mind is still getting influenced by the fact that you've had sex it doesn't have something to do with your partner being in the room as those hormones affect your equation with a partner and i ask this from the perspective of casual sex also it does of course um so the difference this is interesting the difference between casual sex and long-term commitment sex the act of sex itself the neurochemistry might not change as much but over a period of time your baseline hormone levels actually change one okay so your baseline hormone levels for a man who is committed versus who's not committed uh are different the testosterone levels are different what are baseline hormones the testosterone levels are different the oxytocin levels are different uh the it's so they did a study okay now they did a study on airline pilots where they checked all the airline pilots who were in long-term commitments and airline pilots


who were in long-term commitments and airline pilots were single and um it turns out that their oxygen levels were different at the at not during sex just on a random day and what was interesting that whether you are in a living relationship or marriage made no difference because it's all about were you committed at all so it does that state of mind does affect your body why don't we break it down a little more what does oxytocin do for a human being right then let's go back all the way let's look at sex hormones all right so there are four main sex hormones to talk about one is estrogen progesterone testosterone and oxytocin and there's a fifth one called vasopressin let's break it even further let's go even further back when you say sex first thing that needs to happen when you have sex is that you should have libido so what do you think libido is when you hear the word libido what comes to your mind horniness yeah that's not exactly it


to your mind horniness yeah that's not exactly it libido is the ability and the mental ability to have sex so if suppose somebody attractive comes to you are you even capable of being turned on libido is not equals turned on that is different that is the next step libido is the capacity to be turned on and that is the first thing that needs to happen so if you have libido then when you find someone attractive you will get turned on and then sex will happen i'm assuming that this libido possibility is an outcome of your hormones being in place correct okay exactly so that's how these two things tie up together so when your hormones are in place these hormones which is estrogen progesterone testosterone these are the hormones that decide if that have a huge impact on libido these are sex hormones this is baseline all animals have this the sex hormones are released from your adrenal gland which is you've heard of kidneys right on top of the kidneys or your


kidneys right on top of the kidneys or your adrenal glands from your adrenal glands comes the sex hormone now i want you to think about sex as this evolving phenomenon that goes up your body so the lower down something is happening the more primitive it is so the sex organs are between your legs lower down the sex hormones are coming from your adrenals lower down so this is very very primitive and as you keep growing up the level of control that your brain has on sex will keep on increasing so your brain has no control over sex hormones but your brain has control over your actions so we will get to that okay right so libido is what sex starts as once you get turned on and i don't want this to be a very your like a lecture though yeah so it's so i'm talking about my first masturbation story i'm done with that phase i'm done yeah what was that like oh every do you think every boy remembers their first masturbation yes you know why because


remembers their first masturbation yes you know why because your friends make you feel guilty about it you know you remember this face where you think that you've done something wrong around my life that's what's happening they either feel guilty or they get terrified yeah i've had like i've heard stories of uh boys who thought that they killed their junk [ __ ] said that's it it's over like they have no clue what just happened yeah very strange [ __ ] face because nobody tells you this stuff right you most boys will just discover it accidentally you want to cross a line go for it when you saw your [ __ ] for the first time what did you think i got damn confused that what the hell is this i didn't know my body had this inside it it's not blood yeah we really need sex education in this country because literally every voice finding this out on them by themselves um i'm sure like girls who have their first periods without having anybody warned them about it


first periods without having anybody warned them about it would also be equally terrified more more because you're not glad correct so these are things that teenagers should be prepared for and who's going to tell them um but yeah first first masturbation is a crazy crazy experience and then the next day in school and then figuring out or finding your crew you know finding the ones who've already done it yeah and then you tell them and then there's this moment like oh you too okay you feel a brotherhood then and then try convincing the fourth guy to do it and join the brand oh man boys groups are just messed up i miss i miss my boy group at this point but what i miss more is libido talk that is where libido starts okay so libido starts at a point where your uh sex hormones are just spiking so testosterone has a very huge role to play in both men and women really yeah okay so women with very very low testosterone levels so the normal level of testosterone in


testosterone levels so the normal level of testosterone in women is different obviously than men but for them if there is less testosterone than their libido is affected right so the whole concept and this is for me this is very fascinating because i did you know this pride month going on and uh the whole discussion on men and women and how it's all different it's a beautiful spectrum men have estrogen pressure on testosterone women have eastern pressure on testosterone but then the ratios are different the site of actions are different but that's it it's not complete opposites there are so many similarities there are in fact more similarities than there are differences so the way you get turned on the effect of an orgasm all of that is the same um but yeah i thought when we talk of libido uh the then sex hormones rise that's when libido starts so now it's like putting a open for business sign on the door that's your body is conveying that yes it's ready for sex so what is oxytocin


yes it's ready for sex so what is oxytocin still after all this oxytocin is initially when we first found out about oxidation 50 i think 90 years ago uh we thought it was a hormone only for helping mothers deliver their child okay so we found that when a mother was delivering oxytocin levels was spiking so people thought that oxytocin helps the uterus to press the baby out right so for a long time oxytocin was only used at that point when a mother was struggling to deliver the baby you would give oxytocin to help the baby come out later on we found that oxytocin is also spiking during sex now why should that be and then later on it was found that oxytocin is also spiking when a group of boys are hugging each other after us after winning a match for example or for any random reason and then we find out that oxytocin is important overall for bonding so when a mother hugs a child when a father hugs a child when friends hug each


a father hugs a child when friends hug each other when there is just bonding between teammates there is oxytocin i'm trying to visualize that one went and collected blood samples from a football team when they're celebrating but the things people have done for science wow but okay cool so it's you feel a bond with a certain person now one thing i've realized after the countless conversations with you is that your hormonal system dictates the reality that you perceive so if you think that you have a certain kind of personality or you like certain things it's actually a hormones kind of being the puppet masters and making you feel a certain way hundred percent so you know there is this dismissive thing that some people say oh are you being hormonal bro everybody is being hormonal all the time everything that we do is decided by our hormones so that's like scientifically inaccurate thing to say are you being hormonal keeping that in mind let's talk about the other narrative which


in mind let's talk about the other narrative which is pms when we say someone is pms you're the doctor what does medical science have to say about pms is it actually a thing where girls get very emotionally affected during pms like i mean honestly i don't think we're in a position to answer this because we have balls basically so we'll never completely know but medical science perspective so yeah so that is definitely a problem when we don't have representation from a woman to talk about something that affects them uh but i will i will say this there are there are hormonal changes that happen during the cycle of a period and hormones do affect your state of mind okay it affects your attention it affects your focus it affects your mood so not all women will go through the same symptoms right just like not um actually you can't even compare with anything right so that's there is no good analogy to give there for the guy version over here correct there's no good analogy to give


over here correct there's no good analogy to give there but even in guys the hormone levels affect your mood in guys there is no not such a clear-cut cyclical variation but even in guys hormonal levels do affect um the other thing with pms is that the effect of pain so that is another level so it's not just hormones but uh chronic pain or periodic pain also affects people differently so your mood can get affected again your state of mind can get affected by that also so i feel that pms is a complex issue because it puts together many variables it's not just hormones it's also physical symptoms mental symptoms it's also environmental symptoms there is a possibility of your home not being as comfortable you know there are still in some houses there are social taboos against period uh all of those things can add up to that experience so but that definitely there are neuroscientific explanations for this okay um again keeping signs in mind i once asked a female


keeping signs in mind i once asked a female colleague of mine i i asked her that tell me something that a guy should know about girls and this particular person said that you know when they say that sometimes we can get hormonal i think it's true she said that sure is that true that in a woman woman's biological system and you're the doctor so is according to science are there more variations in hormones for women is there some scene like this so this cycle of ovulation and having your menstrual having menses that cycle does affect hormones it is not universally true that the same cycle will affect all women in the same way so the my problem with that statement would be the generalization of it and that is where problems happen because then we can use that to dismiss or explain a lot of behavioral patterns which is not fair right so in a particular woman it is possible that at different periods in her cycle she might be having different mood swings that is absolutely possible but


having different mood swings that is absolutely possible but then you cannot use that to generalize and say oh women are being hormonal that jump is where the problems happen let's talk about that time after sex where we dropped off there uh what actually happened so say you had sex with someone that bond that you feel with the person even if it's casual you do feel a certain amount of yeah connection probably because you've been that vulnerable you've been naked with them you let them do what they want to your body yeah there's a hormonal play there for sure i'm assuming that your oxytocin levels are spiked so you're more prone to seeing you i love you but you're you're that i love you target is the closest person to you in the room unless you're having a threesome or something in which case you don't know so there you're more spiritual because you know i love all of you not that i have threesome experience i mean it sounds like okay anyway no no no i'm


it sounds like okay anyway no no no i'm [Music] [Laughter] yeah i think two is just about right two feels right you know yin and yang so speaking about two-person bonding uh even after casual encounters is it like your brain is in a zone to wife up somebody or husband of somebody hmm question to the doctor let's um answer this in a different way uh when you've had sex there is definitely a lot of trust right so there's very little threat there you have exposed yourself you are very clearly not afraid of this person right i'm talking from a very biological perspective right you have you are in that position of vulnerability biochemically your oxytocin does spike um it tends to spike harder and drop maybe i'll use the wrong word it tends to spike quick there's no way there's no good way to say this christ are we in school again is exactly six standard like oh you said hi cardo for god's sake bro this is just this is


for god's sake bro this is just this is not sex i don't know who the oxytocin my mind is i'm gonna husband okay okay all right guys you talk bro i'm listening [Laughter] do you feel that wife of husband vibe like what's your brain doing to your body right oxytocin definitely spikes okay i'm not gonna say how but it definitely spikes it spikes at different rates for different people for different people um there are some studies that show it spikes quicker in men and uh in women there is a more gradual spiking up and coming down um it depends okay there's not conclusion there's no conclusive evidence there is also some interesting overlap with another hormone called vasopressin which is which is very interesting because um both oxytocin and vasopressin kind of work together and it has different effects like a man would feel more protective more than the bonding it is about the protection and it is about oh this person i have to protect now and that can also


person i have to protect now and that can also lead to anger or like that protection can lead to anger at others so back off don't come near me don't come near this person um so that these are all different overlaps that can happen very very quickly or in a more toxic way it could make a guy more possessive it could yeah so what is interesting in humans is that on top of all these hormonal and neurochemical and neural network levels there is the prefrontal cortex what do you mean on top of it so if you are evolving the hormonal levels are at the base right so animals also have this then you have your limbic system you have your emotions you have love when the surge of dopamine that you get oh my god i feel so happy when i'm with you all those things oxytocin i'm bonding with you i trust you but on top of that is your prefrontal cortex whose main job is to create a story around everything that is happening below


create a story around everything that is happening below and we cannot dissociate the story from the chemistry and that is where it gets interesting for human beings because the dopamine spike has a story i love you i am feeling happy with you the oxytocin spike has a story i trust you i'm feeling safe with you now that is a story that you and i are creating when we have sex it's like uh now this we have we are putting this one incident in an overarch of our relationship everything has context much more than what animals would like an animal would meet another like a partner mate and they may be able to dissociate with much lesser complications because story nevanta not true for all animals there are animals that create that bare bonding for life but um in human beings that ability to create stories is both a great help and it can be a great problem because that also comes with guilt so when you create that story it helps it is easier to stay together but you're also


it is easier to stay together but you're also breaking that story if you pull apart again i'm going to quote uh michi okaku that we the code that we brought up in the hindi podcast so he was podcasting with tim ferriss and tim varus asked him what the meaning of consciousness is for him yeah he said that he looks at it as three forms of consciousness the first is unicellular where you barely even know what you are and your your biggest game is just survival and maybe reproduction the second is where um you're an animal where you want to procreate you want to eat and you have an identity of space as well yeah as in when i move here if i go beyond the cliff i'll fall off like self-protection but the third form of consciousness is human consciousness where he said that it's about constantly thinking about the future and safeguarding your future that's what actually separates us from animals so this story angle when you're in love with someone there's also


angle when you're in love with someone there's also got to be this other future angle uh attached to it absolutely do you agree with this as a neurologist what mithio said um i think it's an oversimplified version but it's great to put this across as a starting point to just let people think that there are different types of consciousness or different levels of consciousness so for me it's or types is not the right word the right word is levels there are actually infinite levels of consciousness because even in the animal kingdom there's different behaviors exactly and at every level the way they experience the environment is different for me consciousness is essentially the sensory input that you have how you process and how you are able to output it that circle is consciousness right so if there is a thought experiment that if you have no senses zero senses right are you conscious suppose if you've had zero senses if you can't see which is you can imagine okay you're blind you can't hear also sure what if


you're blind you can't hear also sure what if you can't touch now are you even there you can't taste you can't smell suppose there's no sensory input from the moment you were born what is that is that consciousness so it's a very tricky thing versus suppose if all of your senses are there but you can't move at all at all nothing in your body is moving would we know that you are conscious so consciousness is a very very tricky subject and it's a constantly evolving thing and as consciousness evolves love evolves wow because love is now you're interacting with another person so as you become more and more conscious in fact i believe that even in our own lives we are getting more and more conscious the consciousness that you had as a two-year-old is not the consciousness you have as a 20 year old versus a 40 year old which is why the love that you feel with somebody the love that you share with somebody will also change as you keep growing you


somebody will also change as you keep growing you won't love in the same way as when you're 20 as when you're 40. have you had conversations with older couples who have had successful relationships because i do this a lot yeah i have some insights but i'd love to hear yours first yeah absolutely what goes right it's very interesting it's like uh i've spoken to my grandparents i've spoken to um a couple of very close family friends that i have who are uh both in their 60s beautiful relationship they travel around the world deeply in love um sexually active which was interesting to me and we had that level of conversation you know we were very open with each other and we spoke about it and the way they said was we are nothing like the people that we were when we first met we met at 21 we fell in love and since then they've had two kids they're successful they both have their own companies one is a doctor another runs one runs our own company and we have completely changed


one runs our own company and we have completely changed if we meet today i don't know if we will fall in love but we have all this history before us and we have constantly kept communicating kept communicating and it is like a mixture of compromise and independence like i will be independent but i will also let you be independent and we will be together so it's so i don't think there is a one-line answer to how to be successful in a relationship i think it's a lot of hard work but it's beautiful to talk to somebody who's made it yeah again it's also coming from the conversations i've had on the show but a lot of conversations i've had offline like my whole life is a podcast honestly uh but uh the insight i got is one every relationship is subjective so as much as you try putting rules uh against it these are just sort of it's it's good guesswork that's what i'll say it's like likely that these rules will work two uh i read a


that these rules will work two uh i read a business insider article once which said that according to science and i don't know how true this is and i'll link it down below there's supposed to be three signs of a successful long-term relationship the first sign is overlooking the other person's flaws convincing yourself that those laws aren't important to you or they don't exist the second was over highlighting the good stuff that oh this person's voice this person's intelligence the way they look at this the like you know traits about them that you can really glorify in your own head uh and the third one i believe was what you said independence and this is what i've picked up in common with all the couples i've spoken to that they just let each other be there's no element of i want to make you better i want to change you i'll help you level up so i think i read this quote once so it said something like um the person you're dating right now if you're thinking of marrying


you're dating right now if you're thinking of marrying them and expecting that they'll change or your bond will evolve don't do that because whatever it is now can you copy paste that on the rest of your life and will you be happy copy pasting that this version of this person if they're just this will you be okay with it wow so uh that got me thinking that and and the key here is independence i meant mansoor khan amir khan's cousin right who now lives outside kunur uh at the fringes of forest to get to his house if you take three stars and eat more than the previous one he's living in wilderness has to go inside his house at 6 pm because leopards can come out beautiful house beautiful levels of happiness beautiful energy inside the house and his wife sitting there and reading her own thing wow okay he's reading his own thing and i asked him how did you do this so many couples in urban centers are getting divorced and you've been married for like


are getting divorced and you've been married for like 30 years right he's like man i think we just let each other be so i was like what do you mean he's like we don't try changing each other we've always been like that if we let the other person evolve in their own journey we accept each other yeah i said that's the key that's the that's the ultimate where you can grow without being threatened right so what do we want we want to grow there's no doubt about it all of us want independence we want to be able to do whatever we want why can't we do it alone there's no really good reason but we want also at the same time the support of somebody with us right but somehow the price for having that person with us is to compromise on your growth that seems to be the narrative that has built up that compromise to karna year eventually once the relationship is strong enough there is no threat of the other person going away and now you can actually


the other person going away and now you can actually let each other evolve and grow into whatever direction that you want but initially it is more difficult because what if you grow in a way that the other person doesn't like and they still have that option of breaking off the relationship it is like this dance between comfort and growth and in which direction do you go if you go too fast in one direction you may regret it so that's why this communication is so important because you need to keep on sharing keep on talking about listen this is where i'm going what's up with you where are you you know that that back and forth has to be there that article that you read i kind of disagree with the first point though um ignoring somebody's flaws i don't think is a great idea i think the ultra rephraser i think it was physical flaws like ah it was small physical things not like if someone's toxic he'll change i can make him better i can make her better i think it was like


i can make her better i think it was like tiny like physical things that's what they're trying to highlight so the beautiful thing is that the brain already does that for you okay that's what falling in love is when you fall in love and say you have 10 characteristics out of which seven are great three are my brain will just be like and let's pull up the seven to make it look like 15 and just give you that this is the story that the prefrontal cortex builds this is what happens in the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex just believes it and amplifies it yeah okay i'll tell you why i ask you this one because we spoke about casual encounters and your body releasing more oxytocin all that okay i'm sure that if you have sex repeatedly with the same person and share trauma share experiences with the same person it's got to be more hormones at play you know and and chances are if you are actually having a nice stable relationship like when nothing's


are actually having a nice stable relationship like when nothing's really going too wrong which is random because every relationship something goes wrong and you have to get past it which is called getting past trauma but i'm assuming that hormonally also you're very bonded like over a long period of time so in long-term love is there any like hormonal studies done like where i think it was something like this scanned people's brains um and they saw that when they showed them a picture of their partner uh certain parts of the brain were much more activated than others yeah absolutely so when i spoke about the airline pilot study and so a higher level of baseline oxytocin means that at the base line you are already feeling more content like you're more contented in life right you are you are experiencing less threat the higher the oxytocin levels or the less stressed out you are which is the actual motivation behind finding love correct but i want to get away from my own stress yeah that's that's effectively so


from my own stress yeah that's that's effectively so uh the the actual motivation is happening so deep down um that we are not even aware of why do we want to find someone so when you ask a single person why do you want why are you looking for somebody they will say whatever story they have created but that real reason is coming from a place that is so deep down in their brain that you can't even access it you don't even have the words for it it is just like this impulse like why are you eating uh oh i'm hungry hunger is the word that you've created but then it that at the molecular level it is coming down from such a deep place that it's just can't i it's just like that like you're you want to look for somebody even if you say that you don't our brains are still looking and that is where sometimes there can be a conflict that what is it that you really want um wow this baseline oxytocin thing is new but i remember the


baseline oxytocin thing is new but i remember the first time i ever interacted with you it was over twitter space yeah i feel like it was two years ago now that was a long long time ago i was a very different human being than this is you sounded different i was so angsty i'm so lonely you sounded like a love guru yeah i mean i i can you do that accent again i can't do it it's love guru tal on twitter i was just so [ __ ] hungry for a relationship back then dude like just changed so much in two years just got more settled in life and letting it like come to me very open to it but not chasing it you know spoke about relationships so much on the show for the same reason often with podcasts the podcaster has to evolve and the questions are a reflection of where the podcaster is in life so i after a point i just i learned everything about relationship from the show man like i mean everything that i could we had


man like i mean everything that i could we had psychologists on we got neurologists on right so i got my answers and then i over time i think you just grow up a little bit apologies to all the girls who could have my baseline oxytocin is because this is an interesting thought that i had at one point of time that a relationship if you are in it for long enough keeps growing you right you keep growing in a relationship all your flaws get highlighted and if you are sticking to it they get solved you become better and better as a person and you're also helping the other person get better and better and the better you become as a person the more independent you become as a person because now your conflicts are sorted right we spoke about conflicts in the last podcast the more conflicts that are sorted in your mind the less you need other people you are independent so i had this theory that the perfect relationship will actually make you not need a relationship eventually conversely


actually make you not need a relationship eventually conversely the people who rush into marriage or jump from one partner to another really need help in terms of finding themselves or are probably dealing with a huge level of stress from somewhere so again this is a multi-layered question um there are many reasons to leave a relationship right so this is uh this is one area where we don't know how many people will be listening to this and whenever we talk about something which is intensely personal right every single listener is taking our conversation and attaching it to their life and applying it to their life and they're applying it to their relationship their current or their previous relationship right and that is a huge responsibility because we could be saying something which is very academic you know we could be talking about oxytocin levels and bonding and they are thinking of us with two emotionless doctors yeah for those of you who didn't hear it he said [Laughter] the reason that this is an important topic to talk about is that


this is an important topic to talk about is that it relates to everybody but it's also a sensitive topic to talk about because it relates to everybody there is nobody who doesn't relate to because some of this stuff is not just even about romantic relationships it's also about relationships with your friends or your siblings a lot of this still applies and that's the weird thing you know since like some of the conversations that we've recently had our relationship with our family is also hormonal we can go through that up and down way with our families also and eventually if you're in a relationship long enough they become family they become part of who you are like your parents your siblings are part of who you are your partner is a part of who you are so it becomes your identity so it's a yeah so anybody who's listening um try to take as much as you can but also try and take a step back and try to listen to this from a detached standpoint if you can yes because


from a detached standpoint if you can yes because i truly believe that knowledge does help you if you can take a step back yeah um speaking about detachment and kind of moving away from love but also not really moving away from love as a human being growing up i think the biggest change in my own twenties was the sense of detachment from emotional situations like saving your emotions for situations that needed right not like you know spreading your emotions across it helps your career your focus levels all that a lot um being detached is so important for your sense of peace or being in control of your emotions which i strongly feel people who meditate have a deeper control over and the scientific studies related to uh your amygdala i believe that omega functioning becomes lesser which is your fear center yeah the the sensitivity level changes so if you are a very stressed out person what happens is that any random thing could stress you out and when i say stress you out it's basically


and when i say stress you out it's basically targeting the fear network in your brain so if there is a tiger in front of you it's completely rational to get afraid but if it's just a phone ring or somebody at the door it's not rational unless it's you know a very very bad situation but somebody who has anxiety somebody who's stressed out could be getting stressed out with anything normal routine life situations that is what uncontrolled amygdala activation does what is hormonal anxiety like i'm sure there is people who deal with chronic anxiety it is a level of like hormones which are acting up so what actually happens there is a chemical called cortisol which is a hormone or released again by the adrenal gland it is a very useful chemical so if your body is under attack if there is an infection like if you get covered or if you are if you get malaria you need your body to fight that infection so one of the ways in which it


that infection so one of the ways in which it fights infection is by raising the cortisol levels it is one of the body's defense mechanisms it's like an alert it's like an alarm imagine if there's a fire in your building and the fire alarm goes that is what cortisol does but imagine if every time somebody lights a matchstick to you know lighter thea the alarm goes off that building can't survive right it's constant alarms every time every time somebody steps out for a smoke there's an alarm you can't function that way that is what anxiety is generalized anxiety disorder that is what it is so it's a hormonal problem it's also an immune problem because imagine every time the alarm rings a fire the firemen come in that's what happens with again increased cortisol levels it raises your immune system the immune system is coming looking for a threat going here eventually your body starts thinking that the body is under threat even when there is nothing and that leads to


threat even when there is nothing and that leads to a lot of complications so anxiety is at some level a hormonal problem yes and anxiety levels are rising all over the world probably because of social media multiple factors but yeah cortisol um there is there are studies that link chronic obsessive scrolling there's also term um i think it's called doom scrolling where you just can't stop scrolling and you're getting more and more anxious and you're still scrolling you're still reading bad news after bad news and you can't stop i think it's called doom scrolling and that does definitely affect your brain because we cannot tell the difference between reality and social media we can't tell the difference if something is actually happening in front of me or is it just happening on screen somewhere far away is it even fictional like a brain control yeah our brain can't tell so if you keep exposing yourself to that kind of stuff eventually your brain thinks that you hmm okay personal question doctor said when


that you hmm okay personal question doctor said when you know so much about love and the brain and all how does it affect your relationship are you like always scanning it from a hormonal perspective um lately i have been getting more and more analytical thankfully the uh when i met my wife we were both 17 at a time when i didn't know any neuroscience so i got the pleasure of falling in love like any other idiotic teenager so i had that whole pleasure of completely losing myself in that experience making mistakes making emotional um having those emotional experiences having fights crying about it um having almost breakups the whole thing and um honestly i'm very glad that it happened because i think it is a how do you say this i think it's a beautiful human experience right i think we are capable of feeling all those emotions and i don't think anything else can make you feel so much only a relationship can make you feel so much okay spicy question for you all right what


so much okay spicy question for you all right what about polyamory and uh it's only called polyamory right when you're multiple parts correct like so first maybe explain what polyamory is and second give the scientific aspect on it is it good is it bad is it all right um polyamory is being attracted to and having sexual relationships with uh more than one person multiple people like when someone has open relationship that's also a form of policy so these are all just terminologies that kind of talk about the same spectrum where you're not being monogamous you're not saying that one person for life um it is so when you talk of biology when you talk of animals there are plenty of species that do this right multiple partners at the same time in human beings also there have been all societies in all societies in history polyamory has been documented infidelity has been documented in fact there was a her name sally professor professor sara i think um she had this beautiful paper on uh sexual infidelity where


she had this beautiful paper on uh sexual infidelity where there was a line that says that humans are by nature socially monogamous and clandestine adultery so the social monogamy and clandestine adultery has been the norm what is clandestine secret okay so all human societies from the beginning of time the norm has been social monogamy monogamous clandestine adultery where you explore in private uh i wondered why that is and i started reading about it human beings are like this very interesting mix of curiosity and comfort we have that explorer tendency in us which is why we have been able to succeed in so many fields of life uh if we are if you were born in africa and we stay in africa and we don't venture out at all we would have died out probably but then because we explored we said that we want to cross the sea we want to explore the alps we want to explore the islands so we keep on exploring we get more land we try to


keep on exploring we get more land we try to explore what happens if i plant this seed here and grow this everything good that has come has come because we have explored outside of what we naturally know and that has rewarded us so that reward of exploring is deeply ingrained in us same for relationships that's not going to go away our brain rewards us for finding new things on new naked bodies a new experience a new human being a new conversation a new relationship [Laughter] same here we keep looking for a new way of looking at life and every new person that you meet gives you that sometimes that can turn sexual sometimes that cannot what happens in a relationship is that now you have comfort right and comfort is great for stability comfort is great for putting a household if you have kids if you want to raise a family the more chaotic your relationship is the more difficult it is for a family to grow the same example that we used of building a building like setting up a building


used of building a building like setting up a building if every day you're going to come and change the doors change the windows break down the walls that building is not going to get set up you need a good foundation for a good building same for like imagine a tree like if you keep digging the ground the seed is not going to take root and it's incredible that we have so many families that have set up such amazing uh human stories they are only possible because of families our tribal system is completely based on families if there were no families then it would just be bunch of individuals trying stuff on their own and we wouldn't have survived so both of these things have rewarded us having a strong family and exploring now how do we reconcile the two how do you remain in a relationship and say that my comfort is important i want security i want to be stable and at the same time your brain rewards you for exploring rewards you for meeting new people it's a fundamental


rewards you for meeting new people it's a fundamental conflict and we are not involving the prefrontal cortex at all we are still talking limbic level at a biochemical level you are rewarded for both things for staying with a person and for exploring new people now you can add the prefrontal cortex abhiske joe story banana now it's your choice you can build a story around the stability and call it monogamy family family values morals ethics stories all stories nothing right and wrong all stories or you can say open marriage polyamory again all stories nothing biological about this that's what we are doing as a society we are trying to say which story do i believe in do i believe in the story of monogamy do you have believe in the story of polyamory today we are at a stage where i think every couple kind of decides for themselves earlier it wasn't like that earlier society would decide that this is the story that all of you will believe in today


the story that all of you will believe in today i think in one building in one flat there will be a polyamorous couple one flat there'll be a monogamous couple in one flat there'll be a um there'll be three people living together as a monogamous threesome there are couples like that i think it's called a trouble which is a new thing that i've heard it's all it's all fine because it's all stories what story do you believe in and that story will keep evolving you might be monogamous when you're 20 and you might be polyamorous when you're 40. you change [Music] wow yeah the science no but the science of this is uh that up to a certain point it's the comfort and the experimentation which begin to clash and then from there it's subjective yeah and you want both that's the thing anybody who says that they don't want one is lying and if you have one you want the other yeah i think it's like if once you found your comfort where


think it's like if once you found your comfort where do you find your experimentation do you choose to find it in your work do you choose to find it in social work do you choose to find it in sex correct the ones who prioritize probably sexual exploration end up becoming polyamorous yeah maybe it's not a reflection of how much they love their partner but no it's not absolutely in fact polyamorous couple if a couple wants to be successfully polyamorous they have to have an insane level of communication with each other so i would suggest that a polyamorous couple talk to each other more often and better than most monogamous couples what happens hormonally if you're having sex with multiple people now i might be wrong but not it's not very different the act of sex itself the attraction or the the or the sexual turn on the post sexual uh phase all of that is the same if you're having sex with somebody that you have that you are in a long-term relationship with the baseline level


you are in a long-term relationship with the baseline level of comfort is definitely more so i i have read so many accounts of people who have been in um who've been sleeping around basically and then they've entered into a long-term relationship and they've said that the sex is so much better when it is with somebody i i know and who knows what i like conversely there are people who enjoy one night stands more again completely based on their story so the interesting thing is the story can change your hormones really your subjective reality then get it's wow so if you're very convinced that your way of say polyamory yeah is right your hormones will probably be in place correct wow my only and i'm just debating with you for the sake of debate not because i agree or disagree yeah um maybe it's just that baseline oxytocin level that's fixed when you're in a stable relationship that's about how much you prioritize that because and then you know say and i'm coming from uh spiritual


you know say and i'm coming from uh spiritual studies where they say one partner etc that's where this whole narrative of society has also come from right right that have marriage have one partner grow in marriage together but maybe the hormonal aspect of that is your baseline oxytocin is at a stable level which dictates the rest of your day outside of the sex outside of the love there is a lot to be said of um being monogamous there is a lot of advantages in that you are dis you're reducing your cognitive load you don't want to be thinking about uh sexual partners all your life right you want to be doing other things yeah you want to be creating stuff you want to be working at stuff you want to be leaving a legacy all of those things are better are better done when this is taken care of or it's not there at all i mean i'm not saying you need a relationship to do all that but i would argue that if you are say in multiple relationships if


argue that if you are say in multiple relationships if you are in a polyamorous relationship and you're constantly looking for a new partner new partner definitely takes time and energy right the reason why earlier societies would discourage that is because i don't think they had the luxury of being able to spend that much time and energy when there were bigger problems at hand right so when a society is struggling you would need everybody to be in that be in that program like get to work do more you need less chaos you need more stability i um i think it is also a sign of evolution of society as a whole and how stable you are overall that now more and more and more people have the luxury of experimenting and trying out new things um intense this is just my opinion no but yeah it makes sense man from both the hormonal level and anthropological level um so when i was telling you about us meeting on twitter for the first time i remember my question to you was because


first time i remember my question to you was because i was a very different person at that point uh i felt like i was a very intense lover we had a one we've had a bunch of really motivated guys on the show and i've asked them the same question they also said that they're very intense levels like they're very intense as it not possessive sure just like listen if i'm with you i am five thousand percent with you you are the center of my world okay i don't know when you say you're an intense lover you mean during sex or just overall in a relationship overall in a relationship okay um i mean in the second you're obviously 100 there but correct you're kind of treating that person as a very big priority in your mind another person will anyway they're intense deeply romantic love when people are hopeless romantic it's the same logic as intense level okay um i asked you that what is the hormonal reason behind that and i think you said something along the


behind that and i think you said something along the lines of an addictive personality angle that if you're also addicted to general things which again i've been diagnosed with that as well addictive personality disorder it's called something else now right i think they don't call it a disorder they call it addictive personality something but huh okay first maybe let's explain that what it is and then how does it translate into your loved ones yeah i think i i remember what i said um i said that initially there's a lot of similarity between love and addiction so when you are addicted to something your brain is always looking for it because it's like your life is missing that thing and you're always looking to see how you can find it to fit it in and when you don't find it that sense of missing is very very prominent it's like a threat again you are feeling it physically that ye so initially love can be like that and as soon as you get it the kind of pleasure


as soon as you get it the kind of pleasure that you find it's like a rush of dopamine uh if an alcoholic doesn't get alcohol for one month and then he suddenly takes a sip he will find he or she will find so much pleasure it's like a reminder of why you were addicted in the first place i always remember the scene from friends when chandler would take a drag of a cigarette after many many years of you know quitting and that look of expression on his face right uh that look of pleasure on his face that is what early love is where your partner becomes a drug you are always looking for him or her and when he he or she is in your fam in your vicinity is with you you feel like life is complete it's an addiction it's a drug um eventually what happens is we become more comfortable with that person our equation changes love evolves love changes and while some remnant of that always remains i truly believe that it's not in


remains i truly believe that it's not in that same intensity because now we are more comfortable in spending time on our own we are most comfortable experimenting things on our own traveling alone which in that early phase of the relationship would seem unthinkable like why would i go anywhere alone but as you evolve you do start being more comfortable doing these other things so early on yes it is an addiction you want that person with you all the time [Music] what about people who say they're hopeless romantic you know people who see the movie up pixar's up and say i want that yeah uh is there some sort of again it has a prefrontal cortex made of false story that you are the buddha buddhi from up oh wow i don't think it's a false story and it is actually a story your identity then becomes the two of you and that's a beautiful thing like nothing against it i think it's a beautiful thing if your identity is that you are somebody in love with this


identity is that you are somebody in love with this person what a beautiful thing and love can do that love can make another person part of you now and that is also why breakups can sometimes really hurt because once your brain has done that right once your brain has convinced itself that this person is a part of you it's like your arm and when you break off your arm it's going to hurt so breakups hurt that much it can physically feel as if a part of you is being taken away because love can do that it can like i give you the example of roger federer with the racket and while roger is holding the racket the racket feels like part of his arm similarly love can make you feel that this whole other person is now attached to you this is also why you feel possessive if somebody else is flirting with her asking her out what the hell it's not that she is mine you know we sometimes confuse that so love can sometimes take on that toxic look


that so love can sometimes take on that toxic look because it's not about possessiveness it's me and that is a strange you know line to draw because where does it end love is great but what if love can make you act in a violent way because hey you're not trying to possess them it's just you're saying that hey you are part of me again from the scientific aspect of this what i'm understanding is up to a certain level love or relationships or sex or romance is similar for all human beings and then the prefrontal cortex comes in and [ __ ] up like and then it becomes like subjective absolutely then your childhood comes and your daddy issues your mommy issues your exams your position in life your career money fame everything so your prefrontal cortex is that no also the savior the savior also the superman yeah one of the two okay lex luthor superman let's call that yeah the villain of the hero yeah he your prefrontal cortex can completely change your


he your prefrontal cortex can completely change your relationship because everything that happens below that is the same doctor said warrior while i can continue talking to you about sex and love and everything in between gotta call this episode uh to a close any parting notes dr sid warrior um i think it's enjoy being single i really believe this uh you got to enjoy being single to enjoy being in a relationship like you've got to enjoy being who you are just who you are because i don't think anyone owes anyone anything you know just because you're in a relationship nobody owes you anything you don't owe anyone anything you are in it to grow and very very often you find that helping somebody or being in a relationship makes you such a better person right so i've often thought of this empathy actually comes out of selfishness it's selfish to help people it's selfish to love people it's selfish to grow with people i think every ceo every leader finds out that you know the


ceo every leader finds out that you know the more your people grow the more you grow so the more your partner grows actually the more you grow so selfishness is not a bad thing the better you are as a person the better you will be in a relationship so yeah that's just my takeaway no 100 man and you know what i love about even these uh love and relationship conversations with you is that there's always a background of scientific understanding so i know that that's the source material for your thoughts which is yeah what i find fascinating about having conversations about anything it could be spiritualism ghosts love whatever with you also this um being in a 17 18 year old relationship has added um insights that i would have never had otherwise you know i could read all the neuroscience i want but uh the conversations that i've had with smriti over the last 18 years has added insights that i don't think i could have had otherwise so definitely that has helped thank you for this episode dr


that has helped thank you for this episode dr sriti that's what i'll say steal in your man for two more episodes right after this i'll be back soon see you guys later all right that was our episode with dr sid warrior you know what i'm gonna say i want you guys to tell us in the comment section on social media what are the topics you'd like to see dr said and myself cover on the day that we recorded this we did an episode in hindi about moksha and nirvana and enlightenment we also did an english episode about biotech the near future of technology associated with the human body lots more coming up with said wario but first make sure you follow us on spotify every episode is available on spotify 48 hours before it's available anywhere else in the world this neuroscience segment of trs has only just begun so if you enjoyed this episode make sure you hit that like button share it with your friends and if you're listening to us on spotify make sure you rate


you're listening to us on spotify make sure you rate this podcast and this episode very highly give us a five star rating we'll see you soon [Music] you


how was how was your meeting with the dalai lama what was his energy i really felt that when you're with him you just feel so at ease when you're feeling very relaxed so you know his child but still 85 years i think this year have a very guiding strong spirit the world of startups looks up to sweden for their design sensibilities like the way the products are designed like if you look at spot where it's a very stylishly designed product same with skype same with ikea why is that like swedes are well traveled we we we do take the opportunity to travel to see you know other countries uh when we are 10 we need to pick up one more language we need to learn either french spanish or german but again you know that whole thing also from an entrepreneurial point of view having to think global to be able to succeed how much guy attention do you get just for being a foreigner in india i mean obviously i see you know people look at me and they


i see you know people look at me and they smile at me you know i smile back but you know they're gonna come and ask me for for my number or you know take me out on a date this whole like taking out you know taking me out on a date is not really happening it's not happening in india definitely not at the level that it does in other parts of the world so since the last couple of years beer biceps media world has been investing in a bunch of tech startups and the lady that we're featuring on the show today is a tech mentor of mine she's someone who connected us to the right tech startups to invest in she's someone who taught me about the investments game in the indian startup space but most importantly she's been a silent mentor to me the thing is in a media career you keep rising up the ranks and you keep finding yourself in rooms with people with extremely large reputations so to hold your own in rooms like that


so to hold your own in rooms like that you've got to have good people skills now cecilia alden is not someone who's just taught me about startups she's also taught me about people skills she's swedish she's lived in india for over 15 years she's built a very powerful network of both swedes and indians and i just had to feature her on the show today she's been a mentor to me for a long time now and i think you're going to enjoy this episode spoke about everything from what it's like living as a foreigner in india to her own perspectives about the indian startup space to even her dating life and how she perceives life as a 30-something who's still single some very amazing well-traveled perspectives on the show today this is cecilia alden's story and for most stories make sure you follow us on spotify versus spotify exclusive which means that every episode is available on spotify 48 hours before it's available anywhere else in the world this is cecilia aldney on the


in the world this is cecilia aldney on the runway show [Music] cecilia am i saying that right that's correct welcome to the ranvi show to one of the most interesting people that my career has made me meet and thank you for all your contributions to my career honestly wow well thank you i can say the same about you i must say um the first time i ever met you uh was in let's just say a meeting with a lot of important people and i was a really young kid back then and you were really kind to me in that room you were sitting next to me but i felt very comfortable sitting next to you in terms of um for a 24 year old 25 year old can be very intimidating to be with the who's who of different industries and you're sitting next to me and you just had a normal conversation and since the time i've known you i've observed this about you that you're a very nice person you make people around you very comfortable that's why people


make people around you very comfortable that's why people are drawn to you and that's why your career has grown the way it's grown also that's what i feel it means a lot my first question to you cecilia shoot is what's it like living as a foreigner in india it's uh amazing i love every bits of it it's been 15 years and i've learned so much about the country but people and uh i hope i have also inspired many people by being here but everything has been great that's you know ups and downs but overall why don't you give an introduction to uh the listeners a little bit about your career currently i think you've had a lot of switches in your career but why are you in india off late like what do you do right now so i first came to india in 2007 and that was to be part of the indian wine revolution and that was to build the wine company sula um and i spent 10 years doing so and i don't know if you want to


doing so and i don't know if you want to hear more about the stories of sula maybe you'll come back to that later well you know we're the largest wine company in india today we have a 65 market share in 2019 we were the most visited winery in the world so that was an amazing journey to be a part of i'm from sweden as you know but um i felt that sweden was too small for me 10 million people um it felt like i could do more and i wanted to go to developing industry i was looking at china i was looking at india brazil even the middle east but india called me i met a stanford trained engineer rajiv samanth in south africa long story short he called me to india and asked me to be part of you know building his empire and making his dream come true so that's how it ended up in india and um after that i moved into doing other things in terms of you know wine investments because i also understood that


you know wine investments because i also understood that wine is you know it's an asset class and you can you know invest in wines and make a lot of money so i had myself a portfolio and then i joined a wine investment firm okay let me ask you this you've been here since 2007 which makes it 15 years roughly that you've been in india that's correct how much has india changed in the last 15 years from your perspective as someone who grew up in sweden versus coming here there's so many things i'm just thinking from from the time that i came at google maps was a new thing you know so even like you know traveling around was very different and you know because you know many roads doesn't necessarily even have a name to them uh so i think what has happened with the whole developments of tech and infrastructure has made it so much easier to to navigate in the country so i think the infrastructure uh what has changed in terms of uh i think uh i even also


in terms of uh i think uh i even also see uh people becoming you know more open-minded and you know being more exposed to to you know the global um opportunities yeah i do feel that uh smaller cities in india still have some catching up to do but it's okay they are catching up at a very fast rate and they almost like the urban centers the urban centers have become extremely westernized and for me the good thing is that a lot of urban indians are deciding against moving abroad which is very different even seven years back when i was in college eight years back every urban indian was thinking about settling abroad so was i until i just figured no i want to stay and do something in the country for the country so people are coming back lots of people are uh choosing to stay here and go down that same path of like trying to build india because somewhere there is also capitalistic intention of knowing that we have a huge population uh a huge population that's getting rapidly


huge population uh a huge population that's getting rapidly educated and rapidly upscaled in terms of uh spending ability so we know that there is going to be huge business opportunity in the next 10 15 20 years so this is the land to be doing your entrepreneurship right now absolutely and that's also why i'm still here but i've seen so many people as you said that were actually moving away when i first came and they're back because they realized this is the place to be and you know also like you know when i'm you know traveling around the world the country that has so much pulling power now in in regards to everything that is happening is is india so it's uh it's a exciting place okay now let's let's let's shift gears and ask you a little bit more about what it's like being a foreigner in india and i'm gonna take the liberty of knowing you personally and therefore asking a rude question pretty early on in the podcast uh how much guy attention


on in the podcast uh how much guy attention do you get just for being a foreigner in india like from indian men but well um attention i mean maybe people do i see that they look at me because i'm blonde or do i look different you know is it guy attention or women but i think that's like it's not like necessarily men come up to me and approach me i feel i get that actually when i'm in sweden more and i don't know what that is why it is but i do feel that um maybe people are scared maybe i come across being too different but i mean obviously i see you know people look at me and they smile at me you know i smile back but you know they're gonna come and ask me for for my number or you know take me out on a date this whole like taking out you know taking me out on a date is not really happening it's not happening in india i mean definitely not at the level that it does


i mean definitely not at the level that it does uh in other parts of the world really so you're saying that uh in other countries men come up more easily and at least initiate conversation but in india doesn't happen as much yeah why do you think that is no that's i don't know i'm not a psychologist there but uh why why is it like that um i don't know what it is but you know maybe um maybe it could be that they're scared of you know i don't know is it i don't know what it potentially could be this is something that you know i'm trying to understand myself but you know i'm very open to people coming up to talk to me you know women men you know if it's an advice or anything that they want but obviously if there is a you know someone that is uh interesting you know just go for it uh maybe it's a confidence issue so like like the thing is and this i'm telling you as your friend you you exude like


telling you as your friend you you exude like a lot of confidence not not negative confidence no not arrogance it's just like you're very like calm and connected and happy with yourself so i think when you see someone with that kind of confidence a lot of guys would get intimidated by any woman not just a foreigner but because you're a foreigner that intimidation just goes to another level maybe maybe so what's the actual story behind sula like how did it start because i remember when sula came up in india it kind of took the uh space by storm this is back when i used to drink as well so so you had sula yeah of course a lot probably the first wine i've ever had in my life uh happy to hear yeah so but how did uh you guys tie up uh i'm in terms of like did you get some kind of wine education when you were in sweden like did you know a lot about wine uh i did well i was first my godfather that was an


did well i was first my godfather that was an entrepreneur and he started a couple of businesses in wines in sweden uh in europe and then he started a new business where he was going to do like a destructive way to get into the monopoly speed and monopolist is quite difficult to sell um alcohol because it has to go through a particular store a long story short is that he asked me because you know he knew that i was a you know go-getter to join his company to help him to get these listings at the monopoly i didn't know anything about advice at that time or business i knew business i had studied i had international business background and marketing and you know that's kind of my my 40 and then obviously i had this whole you know fearless kind of approach you know adhd athlete or that that you know that he captured very early and he said i want you to work with me and i want you to help me with this company so i joined him


to help me with this company so i joined him you know it's very difficult for me to say no to someone that i also like again like a lot and this was like my godfather's cussing actually uh so i joined him and i started you know coming up with plans to sell wines and market wise and very important ones from from new world and i don't realize that if i'm going to be able to sell the product i need to be able to know more about the product than the person that i'm selling it to and that's when i started it to become a sommelier so what is that somalia is um it's literally someone that knows a lot about wine water tobacco coffee tea etc so you're that person where i had wine tastings where rich people attend the event you you teach the rich people about wine i yeah now i do it because i you know now i work with wine investments it's now it's definitely the rich people because these are the people that i built


rich people because these are the people that i built portfolios for at original it was more about you know just you know understanding wine and and learning about wise but it wasn't a passion it was more like a business approach to it to know more about the product than the person that i was selling it to but why what what made you stay back in this country other than like the career stuff is there something other people is there the whole spiritual angle like do you feel that yeah also i always felt very connected to india so i always felt that you know when i was um a young girl i was having indian goddesses and gods you know in my you know room and i i always had like nag shampa is my favorite uh incense stick so it's always like the aroma of india and and the it was something obvious that that connected with india but also my grandparents they lived in thailand so i always had that kind of an asian connect since a young age but there has


an asian connect since a young age but there has been something special about india so i'm sure that i'm here for for more reasons than just being a you know an entrepreneur yeah you know i i mean i might be wrong but this is what i've observed that a lot of europeans and americans are willing to leave their home country and go settle in other countries as compared to uh urban indians and urban indians go to another country only for career opportunities but i feel you guys like westerners generally go to other countries also to like discover themselves and all that why is that like what's it like growing up as a european so i think different europeans have different backgrounds but sweden for example we're um we're only 10 million people so so that's you know it's a very small country and only to be able to excel you need to think global so that's one thing when it comes to the swedish you know mindset and the entrepreneurs so there's so many of